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Stupid Poetry
Assortment Of Ramblings


Udders And Other Matters
Psychiatry And Odd Behaviour
Assortment Of Ramblings
Rage And Other Emotions
Your Splendid Poems
Your Excellent Poems
Your Superb Poems
Your Brilliant Poems
Your Magnificent Poems
Your Dazzling Poems
Your Tasty Poems
Your Stonkin' Poems
Your Sterling Poems
Your Soopadoopa Poems
Your Cracking Poems
Your Rude and Nasty Poems
Stupid Links
Stupid Remarks


When my lungs come to rest
and I've thought my last thought
and I've pennies for spec's
and my vive has turned mort...

When I've kicked at the bucket
and shaken a seven
and bench-pressed some daisies
and tried to make heaven...

When my boot soles stop wearing
and Reaper's close by
and a grey undertaker
packs me up for the ride...

When I'm fast losing weight
and fluids and skin
and achieving my goal
of becoming quite thin...

When I'm subterranean
sleeping with worms
and no longer fearful
of picking up germs...

Remember me, remember me
but not as an idiot.

At The Fishmongers

As Mr Starkey busily mongers
I am drawn to a salmon
paralysed on a deep bed of crushed ice.
I imagine this fresh water freedom fighter
flexing and thrashing silver blue armour
as the hunter reels this piscean to it's fate.
This makes me sad.
I study the salmon form
fetching fanned fins
paper-cut gills
glassy flesh
and swollen lips.
The salmon's ink black beady eye catches mine
and the salmon says
I'm not dead y'know.


I vividly recall my first driving lesson.
It was with the OK Driving School
however, my driving was not OK.

My unbounded enthusiasm overtook
and the Mini Metro I was driving
cut sharply in front of a moving bus.

My OK instructor began to shout and swear
telling me never, ever to do that again
which made it seem like proper school.


Never flown in a balloon
never learned to play bassoon
never tamed a wild baboon.
Given the opportunity
I'd be keen to do all three
and then consider myself to be
a balloonist, bassoonist
baboonist opportunist
content and ambition free.

Family Planning

They stood on the bridge
over the River K Y
at its estuary
to the Ovulant Sea
both sychronised watches
and studied charts
to concude that
on Thursday at three
her tides would be in
most generous flow
and his loveboat could
sail to Virility
with anchor dropped
seamen would swim
in the deep warm
Bay of Fertlity.
Back on the bridge
he found it hard
to confess that he
had been vasectomised.


does not
sell fridges.

Malaysian Sausage Suspension

Hang a
in Selangor.