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Click here and send in your poems! Go on! Do it!

My pal Darren Spink has passed on the following poems that his grandad composed. He must have been quite a character, Darren.


The boy stood on the burning deck
his pockets full of crackers
one fell down between his legs
and burnt him on the thigh...

Copyright Reg Pearson


The boy stood on the riverside
eating red hot scollops
one fell down his trowser leg
and burnt him on his toe...

Copyright Reg Pearson


One of our most recent pals, Ruth Nelhams, has sent in the following verse. It tickled me pink!

A Fishy Tale

A fishy swam in front of me,
But not for long as you'll soon see.
He wasn't big, he wasn't small,
Perhaps he wasn't there at all.
I heard a splash, I heard a splish,
I stood up quick, it wasn't a fish.
It was a man all rubber clad.
A big fat fish, I'd rather had.
On my rod and line he tugged,
I pulled and pulled at the rubber thug.
I threw a brick and I did say.
Bugger off, get out of the way.
He disappeared as quick as he came,
But my fishing has never been the same again.

Copyright Ruth Nelhams.


This time, Ruth has collaborated with Louise Nelhams to create this strange and wonderful poem.

A Sore Elephant

An elephant hid in my wardrobe,
He couldn't see a thing.
So when I turned on the light,
He started to have a fling.
He danced and he pranced and he shuffled.
His ears got stuck in the door.
His trunk got tangled with clothing,
And his bum got terribly sore.

Copyright Louis and Ruth Nelhams.


Whey-hey! The Cheezer's back! We have missed his quirky compositions but here's the latest Cheezer verse on what appears to be a very populr subject...

Something Fishy

Where, oh where has fishy gone?
Oh where, oh where is he?
Has he leapt out of his bowl
And swum off to the sea?

Now where, oh where could fishy be?
Oh where, oh where's he at?
I think I know where fishy is;
Inside our neighbour's cat.

Copyright Stuart Brewster 2001


The Nelhams clan (Ruth, Louise and Dean)are a richly gifted family and have been busy creating some belting verse....

Untitled

I went round the bend
About quarter to 10
Or maybe twas 5 past 9
Glanced at the floor
Then walked into the door
Till then I had felt quite fine!
I went round the twist
Stumbled round as though pissed
And I crumbled to my knees
My brain went to goo
I needed the loo
And my ears fell off when I sneezed!
"Whats up?" cried a stranger
I sensed imminent danger
I turned and to my surprise,
The bloke had 2 noses
For hair he had roses
And he had 6 pairs of eyes!
"Don't eat me!" screamed I
And I threw him a pie
He looked dismayed and said
"Fear not you young fool,
I come not to eat you!
But I think you have injured your head"

The men in white jackets
Came carrying rackets
And spoke in an alien tongue
They opened a tin
Then bundled me in
And stuck a strange thing up my bum!
On a trolley I was wheeled
Through their energy field
And zapped with their laser-guns
I was measured and weighed
Rewound and replayed
And force-fed tea and buns

Then they left me alone
So I wandered back home
Felt confused and I needed to talk
So I phoned my best friend -
The advice he did lend?
"Next time look where you walk!!"

Copyright Louise Nelhams.


..and here's another gem from Ruth!

My Lottery

What comes to mind sitting here,
A long glass of ice cold beer.
A deep blue sea and shimmering sand,
A plate of cockles close at hand.
Lots of cash for me to spend.
How about a very close friend?
Not too close unless he's tall,
Dark and handsome, not weedy and small.
He must be fun and good to me.
And he had better have won the LOTTERY!!!!

Copyright Ruth Nelhams.


Here's a lovely poem by Louise Nelhams. It's about her little boy, Charley who does what little boys do!

Charley

There once was a lovely young boy
The type you'd be proud to know
But his most unredeeming of features
Was playing with his 'dangly bits', y'know

Prodded and poked and pulled sideways
Backwards and forwards and IN!
His mother was stubborn to stop him
But he also would never give in

"Leave it alone" said his mother
"Leave it alone I shall not!
You could only tell me to leave it,
If it was yours, which it's not!"

"You'll injure yourself if you do that"
"No I won't" that young boy would say
"It may not hurt now, my darling,
But you'll eat your own words one day!"

"You see, when you're older my sweetheart,
And a lovely young girl comes your way,
Your mates will be going out fishing,
And you won't have the tackle to play!!"

But still he keeps twisting and turning
And pulling it round into curls
It won't ever really be a problem.......
As long as he likes odd-shaped girls!!

Copyright Louise Nelhams