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Peter McManus is a lovely man, a genius with a monkey-wrench and an accomplished poet. Here are a couple from Peter.

Ode To My Dead Doggie

I wish you hadn't chased that ball across that busy street
you never saw that nasty car that knocked you off your feet

Oh, Benjie please stand up again, please don't lie so still
the blood has spattered on your fur, you really look quite ill

Your sad brown eyes are clouding, your dry tongue licks my hand
you whine as you lay in my arms, oh, please don't try to stand

I want you back my little pet, my tears pour and I sigh
but hark, that's mummy with sweets...
please hurry up and die!

Copyright Peter McManus

My Little Flower

The fragrance around you is thrilling
like the subtle perfume of a rose
so why do I blanch when you kiss me
as the smell of horseshit meets my nose?

I wonder why this is a problem
when your body and hands smell so sweet.
Is it the flatulent odours
or the reek of your horrible feet?

It could be the vomit-like current
of your sickening horrible breath
or the whiff of your dark lank hair
that reminds me so often of death.

So when you kiss me darling
forgive me if I fart
but I must combat the feeling
that the smell will stop my heart.

Copyright Peter McManus.

No page on this site would be complete without a contribution from the Nelhams clan. This one's from Dean. Thanks, mate!

Whats in a Name

"Would you like a piece of cake?"
said the girl who served that day.
"We have carrot, fruit and one with cream,
That's been popular this May"
"What would you recommend to a man of simple tastes?"
"How about a slice of sponge
delicious and good to your waist?"
Now even though I've never been
the type to munch on tasty treats,
something about this lass
made me think of rubber teats!?
It must be love, I thought, or lust
at least that caused this pang
so I purchased the cake from her
while my heart strings went atwang.
"Whats your name my fruity filly?"
I asked with a certain charm.
"Jemima Puddlethwaite is I,
but don't blame me, I blame me mum.
She married for the money,
though the name caused her much grief.
Peridita Puddlethwaite looked appalling on her wreath.
Enough of this, I'm sure don't want to hear my life story."
"Nonsense dear," I exclaimed
"carry on now dont you worry.
I've got bugger all to do today,
I've just been given the boot.
Meeting you has turned out great,
you seem like such a hoot.
Maybe we could get together,
settle down and have a kid?
If you marry me of your unfortunate name you'll be rid."
"Well that's a bolt out of the blue,
a surprise and a shocker.
You must think I'm desperate or slightly off my rocker!
But marrying you, as you say
would rid me of this stupid name.
So okey doke, you've tempted me
I'll get me coat, I'm game!
One question though before we go,
what would your surname be?"
"Oh,do not fear,
my name's quite clear,
it's Piddlewhackerby!"

Copyright Dean Nelhams

Here's one of my very favourite poems written by Samantha M Jones.

Sambo's Samba

I bought this Talbot Samba at the auctions months ago
Problems started straight away, did not know where to go
I thumbed through yellow pages a million ads I spied
But when they quoted me a price, well gawd I nearly died
Still one guy was quite helpful and told me who to see
He said his name was Larry and was certain he'd help me
I telephoned this stranger and pleaded strong my case
In next to no time he was standing right outside my place
I really was impressed and decided there and then
If I was in trouble, I'd call on him again
Well, the time has come...the car is shot to bits
The breakdowns that I've had so far are getting on me tits
The flippin' thing keeps stalling, I think the battery's poor
The exhaust has blown a gasket and it's dragging on the floor
I'm tired of trundlin' 'round the shops, no choice but to hike
If I'd had me 'ead screwed on, I'd 'ave bought a soddin' bike!

Copyright Samantha M Jones