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Samantha M Jones is a super poet and a very nice lady! She has been kind enough to allow us to feature some of her stuff. Here are a couple of belters! Thanks, Samantha.

Disco Diva

No more disco dancing...no boppin' that's for sure
I tried to do it late last night ended mangled on the floor
The legs they went all wobbly, me head it still feels numb
I've been stuck here since 3 o'clock, in agony on me bum
I know Travolta did it and boy did he look nifty
But I should really give it up as I am way past fifty

Copyright Samantha M Jones 2001


The Actress

I tried to take up acting, it really was a curse
I practised my delivery...I should've been a nurse
Standing on centre stage,I tried to exit left
Fell over all the furniture, the director was bereft
I know I'm no Dame Judy Dench, or even Judy Loe
But every actor has the dream of a smash hit Broadway show
Then all those non believers would flock to me in hordes
I'd be the greatest actress to ever tread the boards
Alas I'm only dreaming, myself I will console
'til Wednesday comes around and I sign on the dole

Copyright Samantha M Jones 2001


The following poem was written by Katie Cree and Francesca Clarke, both aged 9.

When The Rain Falls

When the rain falls
people huddle up warm.

When the rain falls
dogs feel drowsy and lousy.

When the rain falls
ducks smile like the Cheshire cat.

When the rain falls
clothes drip to the bottom.


Arcadia Flynn is a new chum of mine and the talent behind Funnypoets.com, a superb poetry site where you can have your own bits posted. It also contains a load of useful information for budding daft poets such as you and me and does a splendid job promoting funny/stupid/daft poetry. You can get to Funnypoets.com via the Stupid Links page. Here's one of Arcadia's poems which appeals to me as I fancy myself as a 'right-on' parent, though I'm probably more a 'right arse' if you ask my kids.


Jasmin's Birthday

Thank you for the party Mum
My birthday was such fun
I know my friends will all come back
When I have another one

The cake you baked was special
I never would have thought Mum
That a no-egg, no-milk, no-butter, chocolate-free, fat-free,
sugar-free, date & pumpkin cake
Would taste just like a bought one

Pink icing made from Beetroot-
Coloured-Tofu on the top
And beeswax smoke-less candles
That you made at a workshop

I'm glad you made the fairy bread
From organic, yeast-free rye
And sprinkled it with poppy seeds,
sesame and sunflower... to fortify

The chickpea dip, falafel balls,
The celery sticks with hommus
And what about the babaganouse
That was real adventurous

Mum, I do appreciate
All the hot food you prepared
From non-genetic-engineered soy
It shows you really care

Like the not-dogs and not-sausage rolls
With the not-tomato-sauce
And I loved the home-grown veggie pizza
With soy cheese of course

I'm forgetting the most fun part
Was the games we got to play
They took you ages to prepare,
But they really made the day

Like bob for locally-grown organic apples
bought from a neighbour down the street
And pin the tail back on the dog
(that had it cut off in a laboratory experiment)
was really neat

Sight-impared person's bluff and
The free range egg and spoon race
Musical chairs played to Tony O'Connor
And my favourite ... Tug-of-Peace

Pass the parcel wrapped with unbleached recycled paper, grown on the
west side of a hill by a tree released from its vertical home to serve
humanity by a group of landcare volunteers who formed a circle around the tree,
meditated and chanted for four days before placing it gently, back onto
the earth from which it had first sprung as a sapling and from where its
mother and father had gone on before to serve as recycled toilet paper
and toothpicks respectively.

And instead of taking their prizes, Mum
My friends and I agreed
That we'd donate to a charity
For children who're in need

And I'm glad you said 'no presents'
I really have so much
Just you and Dad as parents
Is birthday present enough

My friends went home exhausted
From all the fun they'd had
With their little calico bags
Full of gelatine-free sweets you made

So thank you for the party Mum
My birthday was such fun
I know I'll always remember it,
The day that I turned ONE!


Copyright; Arcadia Flynn