Psychodrama
The doctor's certificate certified
that my brain was a splutjabbing mess
on account of a purple depression
brought on by my wire-wool stress.
Referred to a young psychologist,
a practitioner of psychodrama,
I was encouraged to re-enact events
that had pierced my mental armour.
It's strange how real role playing becomes,
how despair's dank well soon appears,
within minutes my voice began trembling,
my sight bleary-blurred through the tears.
I was invited to halt the enactment
until near enough to gather myself
the trembling detrembled, the blubbing deblubbed
a hankie mopped up the nose filth.
After what seemed an appropriate hiatus
I was invited to carry on
I "carried on" by damaging office furniture
before making good my escape with a yucca
Shoes
I've spent three hours
putting on my shoes.
It took me so long
cos they're only size twos.
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Sleepwalker
Bored with the dream then showing
I rolled to an upright stance
slipperless, genital scratching
quiltdown man in a midnight trance.
As if on non-slip rubber skis
I shuffled through kip-house door
downstairs and into the pantry
where I peed all over the floor.
Somehow (don't ask how) I unlocked the door
the night cold did nothing to wake
intruders walked past me into my home
and took all they could take.
Little did the burglars know
I'd been awake throughout
and told police about the monk
goblin, tank and sprout.
The constable believed my statement
to contain dream excerpts.
Experiment
If I took all your veins and arteries
and arranged them in such a way
that the end of one met the end of the next
and pulled them to see how far they'd stretch
I'd be sectioned and locked away.
Mysophobia
Mysophobia is the fear of poo
and if I were to suffer
I'd scream on sight of dog dirt
and never wipe my chuffer.
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Moor
I stride the moorland
o'er the heath
as bracken cracks
and snaps beneath.
A heather pastel
shawl is cast
across the breast
of land so vast.
I stand alone
no other soul
exists within
this vista whole.
If I wished
my trousers drop
out of anus
long stool plop
and no one
would ever know.
Bath Time
I was sat in the bath
counting my legs
and scrubbing my naughty bits
soaping my torso
my bum even more so
and sponging my hairy armpits.
With legs fully lathered
the shampoo suds gathered
as froth upon my head
I toyed with a loofah
my rubber duck too for
I love a bath play before bed.
The fun was soon finished
excitement diminished
as I was dragged out of the water
the plumber complained
that his patience was strained
as I bathed in full view of his daughter
and shop staff and customers who were in the plumbers merchants store at the time.
Further Education
I scratch my ass
in arse scratching class.
(Translated to French)
Je raye mon âne
dans le cul rayant la classe.
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